Self care
“Growing up in Sharjah, UAE, my earliest years were shaped by a multicultural environment. When my family shifted back to Bangalore just as I was beginning my graduation, I carried those experiences with me. I pursued a Bachelor’s in Triple Discipline- Psychology, Journalism, and Literature at Mount Carmel College, followed by a Master’s in Psychology at Montfort College, Bangalore.
During my Master’s, and later while working, I engaged with NGOs across India on projects addressing child sexual abuse and intimate partner violence. These experiences grounded my understanding of the challenges people face in silence. When I began teaching at Montfort, I noticed that my students, too, spoke about violence and abuse in relationships, but were hesitant to share it openly with their families. I realized then that in India, conversations and research around partner violence were almost exclusively focused on marriage, leaving the realities of unmarried couples unseen. That realization became the driving force behind my PhD.
My doctoral research explores the experiences of dating violence among emerging adults in Bangalore. Entering this journey later than most of my peers, I often felt out of place. Many around me were younger, carrying a different kind of energy, while I balanced the dual role of being both a PhD scholar and a practising therapist; these roles including the personal, deepened my sense of isolation. While a PhD is often described as a solitary pursuit, for me it was compounded by the weight of added responsibilities.
As part of my work, I had to listen and document the stories of survivors. Over time, their pain began to seep into my own mental state without me realizing it. I found myself disconnected from my body, my social life, even my own sense of self. It was only when I paused that I recognized how much I had neglected my own well-being. That pause was not a setback, but a beginning. I started rebuilding things, introducing small habits of care: moving my body, playing sports, hiking, and gardening. These practices became anchors, reminding me that it is not only about completing research but about sustaining the self that carries it.
Through all of this, my supervisor played a quiet yet crucial role. She offered nudges rather than pressure, gave me freedom rather than control, and trusted me to direct my own work. Since my PhD is self-funded, applying for grants was essential. With her support, I received a doctoral grant from the Society for the Psychological Study of Social Issues (SPSSI- APA), and earlier, a research grant from the International Association of Relationship Research. These recognitions restored my self-belief and helped me value my own journey more deeply.
Looking back, my PhD has been as much about self-discovery as it has been about research. I have grown into someone more accepting, more patient, and less burdened by grand plans for the future. Today, I try to focus on what I can do in the present moment, without carrying the weight of tomorrow. At the same time, I feel strongly that there is a need for more informal support systems for PhD scholars. Too often, we exist in a blurred space, sometimes seen as students, sometimes as employees without clarity of roles or community to rely on. It is important that we rethink this role, and create spaces where scholars can exist as people first, without their identities reduced only to their research work.”
-Annet Shaju, PhD in Psychology, Christ University, Bangalore
Interviewed and written by Yashee Singh
