Patience is key
“From a young age, I had a dream of becoming a doctor, envisioning myself making a difference in the lives of others. However, life took an unexpected turn when I struggled to clear the medical entrance exams. I pivoted and opted to do a Bachelor’s followed by a Master’s. Although my family wanted me to prepare for government jobs after college, I felt a pull to stay in science. I gave myself six months to prepare for CSIR-NET, cleared it, and enrolled for a PhD at CSIR-CCMB.
My project focused on understanding how rapid-acting antidepressants, such as ketamine and electroconvulsive therapy, work. These treatments are typically used for severe cases of depression where traditional antidepressants fail to provide any benefit. I utilised animal models and advanced techniques such as NMR spectroscopy, transcriptomics, and proteomics to explore the intricate changes in brain metabolism and gene expression that accompany treatment. The journey wasn’t without its challenges. Import restrictions made access to ketamine a major hurdle, and my early experiments with Indian-made versions didn’t go as planned, leaving me puzzled with contradictory results. Thereby, I shifted focus to electroconvulsive therapy, which was more reliable, and later returned to ketamine to study its side effects and withdrawal effects.
The initial two years of my PhD were fraught with challenges. I entered PhD program with limited hands-on experience and, feeling the weight of an imposter around my highly accomplished peers from prestigious institutions. I had to learn everything from scratch, including handling animals, running experiments, and operating complex instruments like NMR. But I was fortunate to have supportive seniors who generously shared their knowledge and experience, guiding me through the complexities of research and helping me navigate my relationship with my supervisor. Initially, navigating his high expectations felt intimidating, and criticism stung when experiments didn’t go as planned. Over time, I realised the importance of gaining his trust, and as I proved myself, he gave me more independence to pursue new experiments, such as quantitative proteomics, which no one in the laboratory had attempted before.
Failures were part of the journey. A major low came during proteomics optimisation, when months of effort were wasted because a crucial parameter in the mass spectrometer was set incorrectly. It was a bitter reminder of the critical importance of attention to detail. Yet, every setback taught me resilience. The highest high came in 2023, when I attended an international conference in Toronto. It was my first flight ever, and to my surprise, my ticket was upgraded from economy to business class. Sitting there above the clouds, I felt a quiet sense of pride, realising how far I had come from my small-town beginnings.
At CCMB, I discovered a vibrant and supportive community, filled with engaging cultural events and a generous housing arrangement that gave each student their own flat. I built strong friendships, joined outings, and made use of the institute’s mental health counsellor when needed. Exercise, cooking, and sitcoms also helped me manage stress.
Looking back, I believe India’s PhD system still needs reforms. Fellowships should be higher and disbursed regularly. Students should have more opportunities to build skills beyond their immediate research, so that life after a PhD feels less uncertain. Too often, it feels like we’re isolated in a bubble, detached from the world outside.
To those who are starting this journey, patience is the key. There will be times when nothing works, when you feel lost, or when you consider quitting. I had those thoughts many times. But if you hold on, adapt, and keep learning, things will move forward. In the end, the persistence is worth it.”
-Ajay Sarawagi, PhD in Neurosciences, Centre for Cellular and Molecular Biology, Hyderabad
Interviewed by Aniruddha Mukherjee; Written by Aditya Undru
