Parables of AI
“As a child, the only thing I felt I was good at was studying. Like the convention goes for studious kids, my family too aspired for me to pursue a career in medicine or engineering and eventually get into civil services. I chose engineering because it seemed promising. I loved the idea of making something, and liked programming to a certain extent. But mid-way during B.Tech, I realized engineering wasn’t something that I wanted to do for the rest of my life. I eventually gravitated toward data sciences for my Master’s. After a certain point, I stopped enjoying that as well. I wanted something more interesting, something that spoke to me on a personal level.
Research always fascinated me. Understanding my reality through research is how I could make sense of my life and identity. I started reading articles on how computing systems affect our daily lives and social experiences, often as an escape to my usual studies and projects. So for doctoral research, I tried looking for an interdisciplinary switch where I could use data science, humanities and social sciences together. The pandemic gave me a buffer period to better understand my research interests. I had started reading about ethics of AI, and watching lectures and interviews on the topic. This conversation about the intertwined nature of data, the internet, and society was the dialogue I wanted to be a part of.
Through a friend, I stumbled upon this new interdisciplinary course called “Digital Humanities” (DH) at IIT Jodhpur. I applied for the position there 24hr before the application deadline! I believe critical inspection is required all through the programming pipeline to build better, conscious, inclusive, responsible sociotechnical systems. DH therefore became the right platform to voice my opinions. It was a perfect match! In DH, I could explore the perspective of how the digital world and humanities were cyclically interlinked, and how social realities and the technologies we build within these realities make and affect each other. My PhD revolves around AI based mental health chatbots and understanding its ethical issues like accountability. I am trying to understand why such chatbots are the way they are. I wanted to understand how such systems work in India, especially when there’s so much stigma attached to mental health and people generally do not take the help they need. I owe the emergence of my work to the workshop “Parables of AI in/from the majority world” conducted by Data and Society (an independent nonprofit research organization in New York), which focused on bringing attention to experiences from the global south of how data and algorithms affect their lives.
In DH, the IITJ norm was to choose two supervisors, one from the field and the other from outside of that since it’s an interdisciplinary platform. The first supervisor I chose was a DH specialist at the institute, who had co-founded the first DH alliance in India called DHARTI, where I have been a member of the governing body since 2022. He was someone who catered to all the chaos that I came up with, and supported me both professionally and personally. He set the tone, freedom, and balance for me in DH (and my doctoral research). After him, I had to find another supervisor which proved to be challenging at first. I came from a critical stance towards technology and the humanities and not many resonated with my perspective. But it worked out with time. I now have very supportive guides who have helped me throughout my journey.
Moving to a slow city like Jodhpur, especially the outskirts, from the hustle-bustle of Delhi where I had spent all my life was quite overwhelming because I didn’t know what to do with limitations like mobility or accessibility. In my initial years, I lost my motivation to study, and often questioned what I was doing. There wasn’t much to do or see around the institute. The loneliness hit me hard. Additionally, there was a cultural shock having moved to an IIT which is predominantly a technology institute with a rather skewed gender dynamics from a central university. Most times the academic clash between engineers and humanities students was quite evident, making me feel often out of place. My sister who was also doing her Master’s here and a few close friends kept me afloat by maintaining a safe space free of judgment and amazing academic interactions. As PhDs, I truly believe a strong support system is required to survive this journey. Especially as a first generation scholar, I understand the presence of academic and personal support systems to be of utmost importance.
The ups and downs of my journey till now has taught me that there is a huge disconnect between what we think PhD is and what it actually is. We put a lot of institutional, academic and societal stress on what success looks like for a PhD student and measure it only in terms of publications, believing it is all pointless otherwise. The moment you understand a PhD is just a dent in the big picture of your research field, and a mere proof to show the world that you know how to do research, your life becomes easier. We keep hearing that PhD is stressful, but nobody really talks about what the stress is all about. My mentor reminds me that “PhD is not a sprint, it’s a marathon. Pace yourself”. I am still learning to do that.
For now, I can say we need to be more open-minded. Go to conferences and events and workshops and participate in community building exercises and intellectual interactions. As PhDs, we must have some avenues to interact with people from other fields in order to do good work, not just academically, but also to grow as researchers. Figure out the interests that speak best to you and dive deeply in that. Focus on quality rather than quantity no matter what. Furthermore, a bit of personal connection with your PhD is good, I think, to keep you motivated, rather than just doing it for the sake of it.”
-Vasundhra Dahiya, PhD in Digital Humanities, Indian Institute of Technology, Jodhpur
Interviewed and written by Payel Das
