Life changing bonds

“I come from a region infamous for child marriages. I am however lucky to have been born to reasonably supportive parents who allowed me to pursue higher studies. I still had to choose between preparing for government jobs by staying back home or being with my husband who had just started his PhD. I obviously chose the latter and enrolled myself in the same programme. That’s how I ended up becoming a researcher!

During my PhD, in a joint collaboration, both me and my husband had the opportunity to travel abroad. The environment abroad was completely different and people worked much longer hours than I was used to. It was highly stressful and I had trouble adjusting. I started taking too much pressure and thought I would be judged if I asked basic questions. One day it became so overwhelming that I came home and broke down completely. I had no idea how to cope. I felt lost. My husband calmed me down and suggested I talk to my advisor in person. I put together a frantic email with the subject, “Need Help!” He responded immediately and asked me to see him at his office.

I prepared myself the entire night and was determined I wouldn’t cry in front of him. But the moment I went to his cabin, I broke into tears again. My advisor was startled. He asked me to take a deep breath and tell him what the problem was. I told him everything, how it was becoming difficult to cope in a foreign environment, that I was scared to ask questions because I feared being judged and so on.

He listened to me patiently for more than an hour. He even wrote down on a piece of paper whatever I had to say and assured me that I could go up to him for any help I needed. He said he wouldn’t judge me if I asked stupid questions and that he would make sure I was okay in the laboratory. I felt a huge burden lift off of my shoulders. It felt so good to talk to him! It was only because of his understanding and support that I didn’t quit my PhD. That conversation was a turning point in my PhD journey.

When I was travelling to India for a winter break that December, I got to know in the airport that my first paper had gotten rejected. I was devastated. From the reviewers’ comments I could tell they hadn’t understood the paper but had all the power to accept or reject it. I almost felt like quitting a second time but didn’t give up because of the support from my family, friends and especially my advisor.

I re-submitted my paper and it got finally accepted in April! This was a huge personal achievement and it’s hard to describe in words how proud I felt. I feel good about my decision to stay in PhD, and confident of the journey ahead.

Here’s what I would like to tell anyone thinking of doing a PhD in India- “Having a great mentor is the most important part of your PhD journey. Hence choose wisely. Do lab rotations, interact with different professors. This is like a life-long relationship. If you have a good mentor, you can reach the stars.””

-Anonymous, PhD in Computer Sciences