I can do it!

“Medicine was my first love like most other kids who loved biology. However, I was so determined to secure a medical seat that I didn’t consider any other alternate option. So when I fell short of a few marks to get a government medical seat, I was not just heartbroken but I also had to make-do with a Tier-3 college for a Bachelor’s since I applied nowhere else!

The first few months of my Bachelor’s were quite difficult. I didn’t feel like studying and felt all my dreams had shattered. The academic environment at the college wasn’t great either, which added to my woes. I guess after a certain point I had a self-realization that pondering over the past would not do me good and I needed to look forward.

So I joined a coaching center and started studying hard not just for graduation but also for cracking Master’s entrance tests. It was my teacher, Dr.Suhas Talmale, at the coaching center who was pivotal in getting me back on track. I would study until late at night, for hours, and days at a stretch and would go to college only to pass the 75% attendance criterion.

It so happened that I emerged as the topper of the college. The other students and staff were all shocked because they had barely seen me on campus. But the happiness of passing Bachelor’s with flying colors was short-lived when I again missed out on getting into some of the top universities in India for post-graduation.

I spiraled back to my old-self thinking I wasn’t good enough and my life had no meaning. It took a great deal of courage to come out of such a dark place but eventually I did. A part of the credit goes to my coaching teacher who was one of the few to believe I had potential and that I would make it to a better university the next year. I thought I would be able to concentrate better if I stayed away from the comforts of home. My mother was a little hesitant about sending me away merely for the purpose of exam preparation but my teacher convinced her. I was determined to not repeat the mistake of giving up and ended up making a pact to myself that no matter what, I would do everything possible to turn my dreams into reality.

I finally made it to Pune University for my Master’s. My happiness knew no bounds. The exposure I received at the University and during my internship stint at CCMB Hyderabad motivated me to pursue a career in research and made me feel quite accomplished after all the hard work I had put in.

Following an enriching academic experience, I secured a PhD position in one of the finest biological research institutes of India. I was on an all-time high. Unfortunately, the supervisor I wanted to work with didn’t have any openings and I ended up in my laboratory working on a topic I was hardly interested in. The supervisor I did get, knew and acknowledged the fact that I was there just because I had no other option and they gave me the freedom and space to give the research area a try. They would often send me papers to read hoping it would give me a scientific direction and get me interested. But it took me more than a month to finish even 1 paper. I found it hard to pull myself up from bed and go to work. I almost dreaded it. I realized this wasn’t what a PhD should look like and finally decided to call it quits!

It was the hardest decision I ever made. My family couldn’t believe my decision. Deep down I knew, no matter how good the place was, a PhD wasn’t worth it if we ourselves were not driven enough. I did struggle to keep my sanity in place during that period, but at the same time I was determined to find a laboratory where my research interests aligned. Though negativity surrounded me often as I sat at home, searching for PhD positions, I shut off all the noise and focused on what was good for me. Luckily, I found the right place!

It’s been 1 year since I am doing my PhD here at ACTREC, where I am currently working on breast cancer, and I can gleefully say, it has been my best experience so far. I absolutely love my work now. I think when the time and situation aren’t right, it’s important for us to not give up and believe that there will be a light at the end of the long dark tunnel. Believing in ourselves is the hardest part but once we do, everything falls in their right place.”

-Sayali Khisty, PhD in Cancer Biology, The Advanced Center for Treatment, Research and Education in Cancer, Mumbai

Interviewed and written by Payel Das