After the storms, comes the calm

“As a child, I harbored dreams of becoming a doctor, influenced by my uncle’s career in medicine in New York. However, despite my aspirations, I fell short during high school exams, leading to a dilemma. While there were offers from colleges outside Kerala willing to secure me a medical seat for a hefty sum, I couldn’t justify the expense and opted to pursue a profession based on merit rather than monetary considerations.

My mother, having earned her Master’s in History, had a latent passion for teaching, a dream she couldn’t pursue due to societal pressures and familial responsibilities. Though she never imposed her aspirations on me, she hoped I’d fulfill her unfulfilled ambition. Uncertain about my future path, I gravitated towards a field that could eventually lead to teaching, ultimately choosing English Literature over biology, despite my initial love for the subject, driven partly by a distaste for physics and math.

However, as I immersed myself in the world of fiction during my college years, my passion for literature deepened. The allure of endless reading opportunities during my Bachelor’s and Master’s studies further solidified my interest in the subject. While I planned to pursue a PhD, fate intervened when I met with an accident, confining me to bed rest for several months, causing me to miss the entrance examinations and admissions deadlines.

Feeling disheartened by the setback and believing my career prospects had dimmed, I stumbled upon a newspaper advertisement from Amrita Vidyapeeth, offering MPhil admissions. Seizing the opportunity, I applied and thankfully secured admission, reigniting my hope for a fulfilling academic journey.

After swiftly securing a teaching position following my MPhil, I was inspired to pursue a PhD upon observing colleagues with doctorates. I viewed it as a stepping stone toward my cherished dream of obtaining a doctorate degree. Driven by increasing determination, I remained resolute in moving forward without hesitation. Given my innate curiosity and love for learning, the decision was almost instinctive. Initially indecisive about the topic, I eventually found my passion in psychogeography, delving into the diverse perspectives of people from different geographical regions.

During the 2020 lockdown, I quit my job, and dedicated myself to crafting a compelling PhD proposal on psychogeography. After meticulous work, I began searching for potential supervisors within and outside Kerala. While one expressed interest but required a year’s wait, I sought alternatives. Eventually, I found a supportive supervisor, and together we devised a synopsis for presentation to the research committee. However, a technical glitch necessitated redoing the submission process, which I willingly undertook.

Despite my persistence, the university rejected my synopsis, leading to two years of fruitless PhD applications. In June 2022, a referral from my original supervisor also ended in rejection due to a lack of personal acquaintance. By the end of that year, my repeated rejections were widely known in the department. However, a glimmer of hope emerged when a different professor, also a priest, offered to supervise me after being interested in my topic of interest and hearing of my struggles. With a commitment to dedicated effort, I finally commenced my PhD journey.

My PhD focuses on exploring how the geographical settings affect the mental structures and perspectives of fictional characters from six novels of a British author. By studying this, I aim to uncover the connection between geography and psychology through literature. Given my interest in psychology and curiosity to learn about the human mind, I pursued an MA in psychology through distance-learning to complement my research. With expertise in both literature and psychology, I aim to pursue a PostDoc upon completing my PhD.

Reflecting on my challenging academic journey, I believe state universities should streamline the PhD application process and offer more opportunities to deserving candidates, regardless of caste or religion. Discrimination based on religious affiliation, as I experienced once during my struggling days, is unacceptable and should be addressed. To fellow aspiring PhD candidates, I encourage perseverance and resilience in the face of adversity. Don’t lose hope; keep striving towards your dreams, despite obstacles along the way.”

-Greeshma Udaya, PhD in English Literature, University of Calicut, Kerala

Interviewed and written by Payel Das